Mood: emotional

Sometimes it’s hard to tell when your dad’s crying. 

When your dad cries, his eyes turn red behind his plastic black frame glasses. He tries to not make eye contact, so you can’t quite tell what’s happening. But when he tries to speak and his voice comes out hushed and strained, that’s when you know.

You tend to see your dad cry a lot when you’re his youngest daughter and you have a week left before you leave for Africa for the next 27 months. You sometimes notice him looking at you when you’re across the room on the couch typing an email. He’s not trying to see what you’re doing; he’s more trying to see you while you’re still there. 

The morning before you leave you’ll wake up not quite sure if he walked into your room while you were still sleeping to look at you one last time before you leave or if it’s just a weird dream.

It’s harder to tell if your dad’s crying when you’re walking through airport security, trying to hide the tears building in your eyes while you remove your shoes. It’s hard to see him when your boarding group has been called and you’re standing with your back to him. It’s hardest to tell 6,301 miles away. 

But it will probably end the same way. He’ll take off his glasses and wipe the corners of his eyes. He’ll take a deep breath,and then throw his arms to the side in defiance and he’ll say, “Ok. Enough of this.”